why do I feel so mentally down today? I think Travis is having some major problems with his father which is making him crabby. He won't talk to me about it which makes me feel like he is mad at me. I sit here and think am I doing this big wedding for nothing. Okay I know I love him and I will spend the rest of my life with him I am just down today. Damn I hate my moods sometimes!! The only fears I have about the wedding are... Is there going to be enough cake? Is the guest going to be totally pissed off its too hot? I know that everything is going to be okay but I just want it here already so I can go on with my daily life and not stress out so much. I just want Travis home right now and tell me that everything is going to be okay. BREATH BREATH
Okay I feel better. If I fall down the aisle I really don't care. I just want to look into travis's eyes and say I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to see my family and friends. I think I am just freaking out and I need to stop. Every time I think about my last name I want to cry. I gave up this name once to take it back again when my marriage broke up last time. I am not forsure why it means so much to me but it does. I have been with him for so long so its not like its a freedom thing. Maybe I should keep it and add his name. No its to many damn letters. I will go to counseling this week and talk about it. I know I am ready I have been wanting this for awhile now. I guess this is what they call cold feet huh? I am heading off to bed. Have a fun week!!