Wow I have a lot to say tonight. First off I should be going camping tonight but with all this damn rain that we have gotten we are flooded out. There is water in our basement and I am not a happy camper. It will be really nice to sleep in my bed. We will go out to the pit on Sunday to swim and fish and probably grill out. We would camp that night but they are saying that we will have more storms Sunday night into Monday. Even though I complain I was really looking forward to doing it.
My kids have been going to the counselor for awhile and I attend with them every so often. Last week I decided that I would start off going myself. I needed to do this for me. I really like her and my kids like her also. I use to go see this other doc for a lot of years, it helped with current issues but I never really talked about my past that much with her. So I told her about my childhood. She was totally amazed that I am doing so good. Okay so on the outside I am doing good but I know that I am a wreck on the inside. We started talking about my memories and about I don't remember shit from my childhood. I can't believe in that hour that I realized a lot of information out that I have never told anyone else. I really can't believe that a lot these things bugged me as much as they did. I can't believe that a lot of my memories are bad ones. She gave me homework to do. I am suppose to pick out 10 good memories and 10 bad ones. This is really going to be hard but I am up to the challenge. I am finally ready to help myself get better. I told her that I didn't think that I could handle digging in my past that I would fall apart and not be able to manage and she said do you think that you are managing right now? She was so right I am a mental mess right now. Today I woke up with a smile and I felt better. That was with one good hour session. I can't wait to see what the future has to hold. I know that this is going to be difficult to deal with but I am willing to do it. I am going to try to write about it on my diary. Somethings might be boring or something might be crazy but I am ready to deal with it. I know some of my family reads this and I am okay with that and I hope they will watch me grow while I go thru this hard road ahead of me. Wish me luck cause I will need it.
On other notes I need to get to bed. I had a great day today but also a terrible one. I will explain more tomorrow.